change

dear a. and l.,

a lot has happened since the turn of the year. a lot i have missed. and there are somethings that you both have missed from my life. and i know that it may have hurt you... the way things ended up. or rather, the way i made things. but i needed that. i needed the break. and i hope that one day that you understand that.

i felt really wrapped up in the relationship that we shared. wrapped up to the point that i feel like i lost myself. and that all i really was... was a third of a person. the other two thirds being the both of you. i don't feel bad about what i did. i needed it. badly. i just wish that i didn't do it in the way that i did. but i really didn't know of any other way to do it.

i just needed a change. a needed something different. something new. something that was my own, that was me. and i am changing. slowly but surely. i'm getting involved in things, and doing things for me. i've decided to take a class. and to take up sailing. and most important, to take care of myself. i've joined weight watchers and have been good with that for the past couple months. it's been great. and really, it has changed my entire lifestyle.

it's really hard to explain. i'm not even sure if i want to go back to how it all was, cause all that was important to me, really isn't now. my biggest concern is my health. that is so number one in my life. and everything else follows in line. i just don't know how i could put my life the past couple years back to where i am now. and i'm not even sure that i would want to do that.

so i really don't know why i'm writing this letter to the both of you. i guess i just felt like i kept you in the dark for too long. i needed to get this off my chest. i don't know what this means for our friendship, but i wanted let you into what i have been thinking and feeling lately.

take care,
kristen