i ended up going down to my sister's today because she had a little barbecue going on. it was good. i was glad to see joey again. i wish that i could see him more often. it kinda got me bummed out when my grandmother asked me if joey knew me... and i said.. yeah, i think so. and she said "well how often do you see him" and i said "once or twice a month" and she's like "a month? i see him every week." and i got immediately defensive and aggravated. and from then on i was just aggravated. and i just said "well, i have to work, so i can't see him every week" and she just kinda looked at me. why am i getting upset about that? i feel like my feelings are completely out of whack lately.

my emotions are just crazy. and i have this huge sense of void in my love/friendship life. and i know that there are some choices that i have made that i now feel have led me into this. even though i still do feel like i made the right decision... before i felt like i was making the right decision straightforward... now i feel like i picked the lesser of the two evils. i don't know. i really can't explain it. and i don't want to keep blaming my bad mood on the weather. cause i do that way too often. and i just need to take control of it. and own it.

i feel like i'm going through a mini depression. or something. i can't explain it. i just need to find something that can make me happy. yes, ww does make me happy. definitely... but i want to find something within myself that i can call on at anytime... to lift my spirits.

positive thinking, i guess. i don't know. maybe that works.