and i never finished.

so i got rid of it. well, the box anyway. and it doesn't seem that important anymore... or that pertinent. it's not sitting there on my nerve, waiting to explode at the next chance that it gets. no. it's gone. it's sedated. at least for now.

the basic gist was the fact that i came to the realization that i'm a jealous person. and basically, i'm ashamed of it. and i really didn't want to admit it, but i feel as though it was unhealthy to keep that inside. i needed to say it. even if it is in this diaryland entry. or that diaryland entry, rather. the one that never got posted.

but i'm not going to get all into it, because i think that i released some of the energy when lacey came over with peppermint mochas from starbucks. it's nice having a friend that lives five minutes away.

so we chit chatted a bit about things. i feel like i can tell her nearly anything. and she won't be judgemental. and it will almost even be to the point that she may even disagree with me on the subject matter, but will actually sympathize with me, cause she knows that i need acceptance more, rather than knowing what's right.

sometimes it bothers me that she is that way. but most of the time i praise it. i welcome it with open arms. because someone cares. and someone cares enought to listen to me, and have an opinion, and comfort me when i need it.

it's weird.

so that's what's been going on in my mind lately. i'm jealous. i envy people. i can't help it. it's something i need to work on i guess.