meeting with mike simpson. so not cool. not cool at all.

rob's meeting, which got issues out on the table, but who knows if anything will change. i hope to God that it will. at least everything's out there. whether anything happens about it... is up to rob, tom and dom.

and i talked to dom yesterday about everything that has been annoying me as of late. my whole list. i don't think he was going to think that it was that long. ya know what i'm saying. but it was. and i have mixed feelings about the fact that i talked to him right after rob's meeting. cause i think a lot of things were hashed out there. but it was good to talk with him one on one and just get some things straightened out. and it's good to just get everything out there.

i went to barnes & noble tonight and picked up that book by richard bolles, what color is your parachute?. at worst, i'll read it and won't get anything out of it. at best, it could give me that kick that i need in order to put myself in the direction that i wish to go.

i'm really thinking about writing again. i always go back to writing. always, always, always. i started a diary for that reason. i joined collabs for that reason. i read fiction mags for that reason. i always go back. or come back, rather.

it can work. it has to. if you want it to, it will. right?

the thing with me, is that i need that guidance from a person that's there. my friends are supportive and have told me to try and write a novel or a story or something. which is fine, and i welcome it. but i need that someone in the profession or something like it.... to push me. to guide me. to help me. but to let me go and wander into my own way of doing things and succeeding. and i can't find her. that "her" is terri hasseler. but i really don't think that she works at bryant anymore or something. but she must. so i sent her a quick email that she can easily reply to and say, yes, i'm here. hopefully. cause i really feel that i need her right now. she's always been so supportive of me with my writing. she's always been there and has read my stories. even ones not for my class. she's just one of the awesome people that i have met in my life. and i know that she's the person that can help me... not only as a supporter, but also with contacts, and putting me in the right direction. where are you terri? where?

so that's where i stand right now with everything. and it became so blatantly apparent when i met with janice today about the analyst role. cause she knows how i feel with things. and she knows that the analyst role is not what i'm looking for. ya know? so it was just like her saying to/asking me... "kristen, you don't want to do the work that the analyst does, so why are you interviewing for this position?" she never did say that... but in the back of my mind it was in the back of her mind. and it was almost as though i wanted to say... "ya know... you're right... let's end the interview now." and everything got clearer. (not crystal clear, but definitely clearer).