i am sorry that this may be a not so jolly entry, but i'm really frustrated right now.

there's something that i found out about tonight, that i wish i found out about sooner. basically... there are two people that i like very dearly that i just found out slept together. only once. back in march or april or so. and the person that told me thought that by telling me, it would hurt me too much, because i kinda had a little thing for the other person. but now that i found out now... (and also that i realized that someone else who i know very well and am VERY good friends with found out a while ago) i feel like i was betrayed in some sort of way. not really betrayed. but they thought it wasn't such a big deal. so if it wasn't a big deal, then why didn't someone just say something? ya know? even if it did hurt me, at least i would know about it and it would be out there.

right now i just feel so... i don't know. upset. and extremely frustrated. and it's really something that "sorry" can't cover.

and i feel like i have no one to turn to about this because the people that i normally would turn to about it are the people that are involved. and it's so hard. because i just want to figure it out, but i can't do it on my own.... but yet, i can't have anyone help me with it.

i am not upset that they slept together or whatever. i'm just upset that they didn't say anything. not that they have to tell me everything. but you figure it would be like a "secret" and whatever... and having that between very good friends is just really hard to deal with.

i wouldn't end a friendship over this or anything. i just have to figure out everything on my own. of course.

isn't that how it always is?

i always feel like i'm doing things on my own and whatever... and i'm sick of it. i'm sick of pretending that being independant is the way to be. ya know? i need that comfort. i need to have the ability to depend on someone. i need it. and i don't have it.

and i think that i'm taking it out on either myself in a bad way or on the wrong people. which gets me even more frustrated but i'm not going to get into it.

i'm just sick of things.

not a great way to ring in the new year.