so work was work. and ben wasn't there and people were sad. or maybe it was just me. who knows. i wasn't really sad, but of course i was looking forward to seeing him. the parking lot was decently empty. i didn't think it would be that scarce, but i guess the day after christmas is a big one to take off?? i don't remember that being the case the past two years... but then again christmas eve and christmas were on weekends... so that might have something to do with it? who knows.

so i began to read tonight... i was planning on finishing about a boy tonight... but i didn't. or i might. but not right now. i was listening to heather's merry merry fish mix number 2 cd that she made while i was reading my book. so there were a couple of moments that i took away from the book to listen to the songs. i do have to say that i give thumbs up to both bleu songs, the remy zero song (they have a u2 feel to them, i thought) and the bnl w/ guster and dido song. but my cd player is really cranky with mixed cds... it only likes to listen to cds all the way through with mixed. there is no rewind and fastforward (well, there is, it just doesn't work with mixed cds) so when i wanted to hear a tribe called quest's scenario again, i hit rewind... and nothing really happened. so i got grr and shut it off. and i closed my book along with that. so now i decided to watch a movie. either requim for a dream or snatch. i think that i am going to watch the latter. and then watch the first tomorrow. sounds like a plan, man.

so the post holiday blues. and i'm not really even excited for new years at all. tis the season? i really don't know. but new years doesn't seem all that it's cracked up to be this year. maybe september 11th had something to do with it and maybe it didn't.

it's amazing what september 11th means now. don't you think? i mean, really think about it. it's the turning point. the before and after. and to live through it is amazing. i'm sure people living through december 7, 1941 would say the same thing. but to me, dec 7 is dec 7. i mean, it holds meaning, but it really doesn't hold any bearing on how i live my life... and if it does, i don't realize it. but september 11th is just so vivid to me. i don't know. maybe i'm talking a lot of garbage, but it totally makes sense to me even though i can't understand the whole hysteria. ugh. i'll never figure it out... and i'm not even sure if i want to. but to all those families who lost someone in september 11th... my heart goes out to you. now and always.