with ANYTHING. with getting to work on time, with making good food shopping decision, with doing stuff on my off time, with the books that i read, with any purchase i make. with anything... except for how i breathe. maybe that'll come later.

i wish i could blame it on him, but i know i can't. at least not everything. cause if i felt comfortable enough with myself, then well, i wouldn't be worrying about it so much. but for some reason i always feel the need to worry. why do i care? why? no one else seems to. so why do i? if i ever figure out the reason, believe me, i'll let you know.

today is the day at the hairdresser. in just a half hour actually.... yup yup. i'm getting it cut and colored. fantastic. i can't wait. i haven't told anyone in my family or anything. people at work randomly know... but not everyone. i'm going with an auburn-ish thing, i think. i figure i'll decide when i get there. i want something different but not something bold. i want it to be noticeable, yet soft. ya know? i'll let you know how things go.

every once in a while i think of my parents. i mean, i think about them everyday... but only every once in a while i think about how incredibly awesome they are and how great they raised me. i grew up thinking that there are no defined *rules* or at least the ones that didn't really matter. like the ones ... "don't where white between memorial and labor day." which i really think is such a lame rule. and i grew up to think on my own. completely. i mean, obviously they have influences on my life... but i see some of my friends who only eat certain things cause that's the *only* way they were taught even though they haven't tried out anything. it's just lame. so i'm just glad that the rents raised me the way they did.