it's getting really cold in massachusetts. i'm really not digging it. and thoughts of moving to some place warm are creeping in my mind more and more by the day.

and i have to say this... damn those friggin' yankees!

there, i feel better now. not too much better. but better. i can't talk about the game anymore, because it just gets me more and more upset. what can ya do?

so i went to my meeting this morning. i walked in there thinking to myself... i so need this right now. lately i really feel like i have been slacking. esp. with being on vacation and stuff. and of course the fact that halloween is right around the corner... and so many people at work have candy on their desk. let me tell you... my new favorite candy is the tootsie roll. yes, folks, the tootsie roll. crazy, huh? but i do have to say that i'm good about counting it. i do count it in my food journal tracker thing. so i'm not really cheating myself. but i feel like i'm giving into temptation. so anyway, the meeting. i actually lost. i wasn't expecting it too much. i really had no idea. and i know i didn't think that i was going to lose as much as i did. but i ended up losing a whole two pounds. wahoo. brings the total to 55.4. it's amazing. and it's weeks like these that i know that i need to stay focused. even when i don't really know what i'm doing. or how i'm doing. i just need to at least keep focused on what i'm trying to do.

on the agenda today... clean my room, clean the kitchen... and call my friend colleen. and then hang out with melissa.... or... scratch that... call melissa and figure what the hell we're doing tonight.

i'm starting to feel lost again. and it's starting to scare me. it really is.

some of it stems from work. and what i don't have control over. and what i should have control over. and what i think i should have control over. those are two different things. and i tend to intertwine them. i am just really frustrated with work. and "babysitting" people who shouldn't be babysat. and taking shit from people. although, i am proud to say, that i did stand up for myself on thursday. it just really pissed me off. and i generally take a lot at work. but don't you dare fucking look me in the eye and disrespect me. don't you fucking dare. don't disrespect me or the job that i'm trying to do. it blows my mind what people think that they can get away. not here. not anymore. i was infuriated. and i wrote it all down. so i have it. for reference. when i decide to talk to this person. which i plan to. cause i need to. and it's my job. i don't like to treat the team like children, but then if they act that way... how else can i do it?

okay... that was a nice little vent there, now wasn't it? argh! oh well... i'll be okay.