i'm sick of being roped into things that happened recently in accounts that i usta work on.... in which i either forgot to explain (because the situation is rare) or i didn't fully get my point across. or something. which, yeah, they're my fault or whatever. but i don't need the backlash. i just don't. and it's not coming from my old manager... it's coming from my old supervisor. who, at the moment, i feel like i can't talk to anymore. it's just weird.

i totally feel as though i'm estranged from my own team. i made mistakes. some big, some small. i think they're realizing FINALLY that i am NOT the superstar that they thought i was. the superstar that i, personally, never claimed to be. and never acted like i was. and it's not something that you say "i told you so"... but i'm very close to saying that.

argh. i'm just really annoyed right now with that whole situation. and it's even worse, because i know that most of it is my fault.. ya know? like.. it is. but i don't like how some people react to it. but i can't control that. and that's where the sucky part comes in.

it's one of life's greatest lessons.... you only have control of your own life.

and sometimes even then, you don't feel like you do. but it's a tough little lesson to learn. and sometimes it's even one that you have to relearn at every point. i don't know. does any of this make sense at all? any of it?

it's just hard when you feel like you have nothing or no one to turn to. ya know? it's like... i'm not trying to pity myself at all... i just want someone to understand. that's all.

phew. sorry. i needed to get that off my chest.

argh.

alright, i'm done. i'm watching "road rules" right now on mtv. this is an interesting show. they're going bungee jumping. yippee. that's just a crazy thing. i could do it though. in the heat of the moment.

did i tell you that i'm going to get a tattoo? well, i am... a daisy. on my back. sometime this week or next week. or this weekend. sometime. should be good. i can't wait. my friend lisa got one this weekend. we were both going to get one, but then we decided that it would be better if one of us got it and the other was there for moral support. so... that's what we did. she got hers and i watched her get it. they did a pretty good job. i even saw another one that i liked... that i might get next. crazy... yeah. haven't even got one of them... and i'm already thinking of my second one.

alrightie kids... i'm off.